Praise is Good———- Encouragement Even Better
Praise is Good———- Encouragement Even Better
Several years ago, I was addressing a parent group in a large Midwestern city. I was speaking about self-esteem and providing the audience with strategies to boost kids’ self-concept. The overwhelming majority of the attendees were responding very positively to the message… but one Dad wasn’t “buying” what I was “selling.” He grumbled under his breath, “Kids oughta toughen up. We praise ‘em too much.”
“Wow,” I thought. “How can you possibly praise a kid too much? There is no such thing as too much praise! Kids – especially kids with LD – need constant and consistent praise in order to feel good about themselves!”
Well, although I do not agree with the gentleman from the audience, I have recently changed my mind a bit in regard to praise. In countless special education classrooms, I have seen teachers heap bucketsful of praise on kids and yet these kids still have shaky self-concepts and low self-esteem. Based on these observations, praise – in and of itself – is not enough to create and maintain positive self-esteem. Praise does not have the desired effect unless it is done properly – and it doesn’t work all the time.
As parents and teachers, we need to use praise appropriately and sparingly. If not, kids begin to view praise as nothing more than “white noise” (e.g., “Way to breathe, Johnny,” “Nice job walking, Sally.”) They become so accustomed to a consistent bombardment of praise that it becomes meaningless and ineffectual for them.
In order to be effective, praise should be:
Contingent– There must be a solid, realistic reason to praise the child. The comment should respond directly to a behavior that reflects a child’s improvement, accomplishment, or effort.
Sincere – Kids can recognize “phony praise” in an instant. This insincere praise is ineffective and causes the child to feel minimized and patronized.
Creative – Find unique ways to give praise! Leave a nice note in his lunchbox, tape a note to his mirror, tell another “significant other” about the child’s progress and ask that she deliver the praise message.
But is there a “down side” to praise? Yes, there is. Praise can be an effective vehicle to improve self-esteem but there is a strategy that is even more effective. That technique involves the use of encouragement. Dr. Rudolph Dreikur, noted child psychologist, once said that “…a child needs encouragement like a plant needs sun and water.” This strategy can have a significant and lasting impact upon the child’s view of himself.
Praise and encouragement are positive, effective, and beneficial strategies to use with kids. Both of these techniques can
- build self-esteem
- enhance pride
- foster cooperation
- build positive relationships
- celebrate unique skills and abilities
- assist kids during difficult or challenging times.
But there are distinct and significant differences between praise and encouragement. Let’s take a moment to examine these distinctions.
- Praise is a reward that must be earned (“Way to go, Amit. You got a 90 on that spelling quiz.”). Encouragement is a gift (“I’m glad to see you trying so hard, Rahul!”).
- Praise uses words that judge (“You got twenty questions right, Geeta. That is terrific!”).
- Encouragement uses words that notice (“I was so happy to see you arrive on time for class and be in such a great mood!”).
- Praise promotes competition (“Jimmy, you got the best grade in the class!”). Encouragement promotes cooperation (“Ajay, keep trying! You’re getting better all the time!”).
- Praise reflects contingent acceptance (“Rekha, I love it when you keep your room so clean!”). Encouragement reflects unconditional acceptance (“Anu, I love being around you!”).
- Praise teaches the child to please the adult (Sheena, you did a great job on the dishes tonight. Mom is very happy with you.”). Encouragement teaches the child to please himself (“Babita, I noticed how helpful you were at Grandma’s today. You should be very proud of yourself.”).
- Praise can only be given when the child is successful (“Mike, you did great on the spelling test.”). Encouragement can be given when the child is experiencing failure or frustration (“Deepika, you have really been trying on these word problems. Keep it up!”).
As you can see, praise can become addicting and can cause the child to seek extrinsic (outside) motivation. On the other hand, encouragement is less likely to become addicting and it promotes intrinsic (internal) motivation. Basically, praise works… but encouragement works better!
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Posted by Vishal Jain
